DaViD's words, doings & crappings etc.: Napoleon Story

Scene 1:

Napoleon was the man who won a lot of battles but there was one batted that he was defeated. I could not face the reality that he was defeat and he decided to commit suicide. then, he just drank poison... he thought he was very strong and he drank ten bottles of that poison... after the last drop reached his mouth, he suddenly felt a bit strange... coz there was something strange happening in his belly.... his belly became bigger and seemed there were things growing inside... then he got preganent. surprisingly just a few moments later, he was about giving birth...

'argh... errrr...' he was screaming... and called" medic, medic..."

then two robotic medic came in and helped him to give birth... the two medics was professional... though Napoleon was a guy... one of the medic asked him to open his legs...

"breathe in... breathe out... push... push... push..."

Napoleon was pushing very hard and soon one girl came out... but he was the kind of guys that did not like girls at all... he heard and saw it was a girl... looked desperate...

" a girl??? what good about girls??? send her away!!!"

robotice medics listened and took the command... they took the girl away... but he still felt that there was still something inside his tummy... yah... there was another baby inside... yah... this time it was a boy... he felt happy and more comfortable now... his belly went back to normal...

"ahhhhhh.... i feel much better now!!!"... sounded like just finished some that business...

one medic praised him and said: "wow... u did an excellent job... u are great!" [spoken in Chinese]

20 years... he kept fighting in the wars and winning... his only boy was growing...

SCene 2:

20 years later, he became old and his son grew up... the son was well trained in commanding and military stuff but sociallly awkward... he could not handle boy-girl relationship well... he was shy but perverted... if there was any beautiful girls passing by him, he would stare at the girls... after the girls went a bit far, he would make some noise--"tasty"...

once he met a sexy girl and did his ackward reaction, just accidentally it was seen by his father... his fater, Napoleon, felt a bit sad.

"son, why are you behaving like this?... tomorrow, there will be a speed dating session at SDU headquarter... i'll send you there.... let us go!!!" then father and son hopped off stage...

ScEne 3:

At the headquarter of SDU the speed dating was starting soon... son of Napoleon came out and said: " i want a girl that pretty, work, can cook, 100k annual....."

SD started and each pair was given 8 mins to communicate. The first girl he met was from PRU...

[during the speeddating yesterday, we found that PRU usually asked the same questions a lot...like "which faculty?" "how do you find the camp so far?" "how 's the food?" and "sleeping naked???... no no no... the last one is not in the question... it is actually among a few guys in our group... ha ha...]

so... the girl started asking question:
"arts year 1?" -- he nodded his head...
"how do u find the camp so far?" -- he smiled...
"how is the food?"-- he gave a forced smile...[but could tell... the food was not good]

"OKAY... eight mins now... change..." the facilitator shouted.

now he came to the 2nd girl... but when reaching the 2nd girl, he accidentally saw the 3rd girl... meanwhile, the girl saw him two... chemistry just started working and they fell in love at first sight... thus, he could now concentrating on talking to e 2nd girl rather than looking at the 3rd girl... the 2nd girl, of coz, felt uneasy... she was rude and talked to him and tried to block him too... 8 mins finally passed... time to change...

the chemistry worked well... once he reached the 3rd girl, he immediately gave out a "YES". So did the girl... yah... perfect match... he fell in love and foud a parterner....

SceNe 4:

After son of Napoleon and his lover's perfect match, they went out for a date in the evening... it was unclouded... stars were shining in the sky like blinking to each other...

The couple, hand in hand, came out... the atomsphere was romatice... the girl was looking at the stars and the son was staring at her... suddenly he talked:
"Your father has to be a thief?"
"Why?" the girl akes looking puzzled
"because he has stolen all the stars and put them into your eyes!"
the girl blushed and looked down... then she said:
"then, your father must be a butcher!"
"why?" the son asked puzzledly...
"he must have put all the meat into yr body!" while she patted his left chest...

the couple fell in love deeper after the romantic evening...

ScenE 5:

While enjoying the romance, it came to the climax... Napoleon was not at home so he decided to bring her back home to do something else rather than hanging aroud outside... when they just went into the house, Napoleon came back and saw they go into the house... he creeped behind them and wanted to see what was happening.

the couple came to the son's room... then conversation started...
"Do you feel hot?" the male asked excitedly...
"a little bit" she blushed and looked down, shy!
"let me help you!" while saying, he stepped closer to her, unzipped her coat, took it off and threw the coat away excitedly!

Suddenly, he saw there was an egg necklace on her neck,
"egg? i also have one!" the i took his egg necklace out...
"Really?" she took off the necklace...

then Napoleon rushed in and shouted
"son, why are you doing like this?"

"i thought you were not at home?" the son replied.

"why like this? do you know who she is?", Napoleon continued questioning him.

"but why are you still at home?" the son replied...

"egg! egg! same eggs! how can it be?" he took the eggs from the couple holding them stoning!

"Why cannot?" the son rebutted.

"i am yr father and I am her father (a Hokkien word for father used in the actual performance), too!!!"

"HUH?" the lovers were shocked... Napoleon was still stoning holding the two eggs.

"i dun want us to be brother and sister?" the girl said sadly.
"i dun want, either!" the guy reinforced, "this life we cannot stay together,"
"next life we can be lovers!" the girl continued, "let us die together. let us drink poison!!!"
"hmm... steady!!!... you go first!!!"

the sister drank the poison and died... it was his turn to drink the poison... after he picked up the bottle of poison that his sister used...

"XIAO a!" (means crazy) he said and threw the bottle away...

His father just woke up from the stoning... he went to his son...

"son, tml there will be another speeddating. Let us go... go together!!!" father and son hopped off stage!!!

(the end)